Weapons that are awesome in video games are downright scary in reality.
One of the coolest things about being a gamer is being able to wield incredible weapons that do awe inspiring amounts of damage on the field of battle. These same weapons, however, would be unbearable scary if they were to be invented and utilized in the real world. Below is a compilation of twelve weapons that I would be a happy clam if they never saw existence.
The list is limited to weapons that can be carried. I left out vehicle weapons, or weapons that rely on airstrikes, or other deployed means (such as the hammer of dawn seen above).
12. Lancer Chainsaw Bayonet- Gears of War: Ultimate Edition
Automatic rifle and chainsaw together, where has this been all my life? Hopefully, it stays in my nightmares.
The Lancer itself is quite a formidable automatic weapon, but what puts it on this list is the gory Chainsaw Bayonet. When you’re face to face with a gun in real life the experience is quite scary; throw in a chainsaw to the mix, and the scary situation becomes an outright nightmare. I think I would put my weapon down and surrender if some guy came at me with an M-16 loaded with a chainsaw.
Check out this crazy weapon in upgraded HD graphics when Gears of War: Ultimate Edition is released this year.
Chainsaw duel at dawn. May the best man (or locust) win.
11. Super Gravity Gun- Half-Life 2
I thought gravity was my friend.
The Dark Energy Field Manipulator is the scientific realization of the force push and pull from “Star Wars”. While the Super Gravity Gun certainly has some super cool applications (like not having to get up to reach the remote) it is the military application that puts it on the list. Being in a battle is hard enough without having to worry about boxes and comrades bodies being thrown at you; for that reason alone I don’t want to see this weapon in reality.
The super menacing Super Gravity Gun.
10. Cerebral Bore -Turok
Takes a moment to lock on, but once it does…game over baddie.
Everyone knows that the fastest way to take down a target is with a head shot; the cerebral bore takes that strategy to a whole new level. The bore locks on to ta targets head and sends a drill chasing after them. Once the drill connects it unceremoniously drill a hole, extracts the brain, and, just for good measure, explodes as a grand finale. I would wear a helmet, but I don’t think it would help.
Sinister doesn’t even begin to describe the Cerebral Bore.
9. The Ripper -Dead Space
Maybe all the weapons from this game should be on the list…
Do you know how many people end up in the hospital every year as a result of errant power saw blades? I don’t, but I bet it is a lot… Well in Dead Space they decided to put a saw blade into an unguarded gravity field, and what’s worse is that the secondary mode just fires the blade out at high speed. Sure, it’s great for chopping up necromorphs, but I just see a whole lot of lawsuits if this “mining tool” actually existed.
Check out the armor this guy has to wear just to use this weapon.
8. The Shrink Ray -Duke Nukem
Nothing quite says humiliating defeat like being shrunk by your enemy and then squished under his boot. I would think that Rick Moranis’ folly from “Honey, I Shrunk The Kids” would be enough evidence of why we shouldn’t shrink people. However, Duke Nukem uses a weaponized version that I sure as heck do not want to be on the business end of.
The Shrink Ray looks like it’s mocking me as it shrinks me.
7. Energy Sword - Halo
Super-heated plasma encased in magnetic lines that extend from the hilt signify instant death to anyone on the receiving end. Combine that with the sword rush ability, somehow inherently connected with the sword, means that there is very little that can stop the Energy Sword.
Appearances can be so deceiving.
6. Pulse Gun -F.E.A.R.
F.E.A.R. has no shortage of features to cause unease and terror, but the pulse gun stands out among the crowd. The Pulse Gun fires an orb of energy that instantly vaporizes any enemy that has the great misfortune of standing within its radius. The result is an immediate loss of all flesh and armor, and for those watching, soiled shorts.
In case you’re curious, that black skeleton used to be a fully armored human being.
5. The Lightsaber -Star Wars: The Old Republic
Check out the trailer for the new SWTOR expansion. Who lets a kid make a lightsaber?
I know what you’re thinking, “Lightsaber?! That is like the coolest weapon ever!” I do not contest the pure awesomeness of the lightsaber, I just think that a laser weapon that can cut through solid steel blast doors like they were cheese shouldn’t be accessible to humanity. Though I wonder, could you cut and cook a steak at the same time if you use a lightsaber?
What is cooler than one lightsaber? Two lightsabers! That ugly guy is going to need a bigger knife.
4. BFG -Doom
Even Hell’s strongest demons bow to the power of the BFG.
The BFG, or Bio Force Gun, is a signature weapon from the Doom series. Firing a ball of deadly plasma at enemies. As if that weren’t enough, the BFG fires rays at enemies in order to debilitate them prior to the flesh melting detonation. If this one existed I would hop on the next space shuttle to Pluto.
It may not be pretty, but who said looks were everything?
3. The Tesla Gun -Wolfenstein
Who needs bullets, I’ve got lightning!
Have you ever been outside in a rain storm and start seeing lightning flashing nearby followed by all the hairs on your body standing on end? Well, now imagine that lightning coursing through you while your enemy smiles maniacally. Welcome to the Tesla Gun, a weapon that fines electrical bolts continuously, which seek out the soft flesh of human targets. Let’s never invent this one.
Scary as it is, the thing looks darn cool.
2. The Redeemer - Unreal Tournament
Any weapon that creates a mushroom cloud is just plain bad news.
What happens when you give someone easily accessible thermonuclear capability? The Redeemer fires a slow moving rocket that, when detonated, unleashes the fury of the sun upon any unlucky soul within the blast radius. Not enough? Kick it into secondary fire mode and now you have a controllable rocket that you can use to hunt down and torture your enemies.
One shot, oh so many kills.
1. Mini-Nuke - Fallout 3
What could go wrong with this weapon?
So, the entire premise of Fallout is the shattered wasteland caused by nuclear war; what’s better than celebrating nuclear fallout than by giving out miniature nukes to be used on the battlefield. I don’t think I need to explain more why this is a bad idea.
The Mini-Nuke and its launcher Fat Boy, I need a new pair of shorts just looking at it.
See more of these weapons in action in these articles:
10 Video Game Weapons You Wish You Had If The Zombie Apocalypse Happened Tomorrow
10 Greatest Video Game Guns You'd Wish You Had if Aliens Invaded Earth Tomorrow
