Can Michael Myers be killed? That’s a question a lot of people ask, but surprisingly this has been answered in more than one movie of the franchise. The answer: Yes, though it can be a bit difficult depending on the situation. And considering he “always” comes back, his deaths in the films don’t always mean anything. So, how can you kill Michael for good?
1. Decapitation
Michael's decapitated head from H20: 20 Years Later. Chopping his head off proved well in getting rid of him.
This is pretty straightforward. Take an ax or whatever sharp object you want and whack Mikey’s head straight off.
Why would this work? Halloween H20: 20 Years Later killed Michael with this method. This is a canon way of getting rid of the guy, so obviously it’s effective (if we forget that Resurrection exists, which isn’t too hard with how awful that movie is). Further, Mikey can’t exactly get back up from this one. He isn’t the Headless Horseman, so he isn’t going to walk around trying to find his missing head. Once it’s gone, he’s gone too.
2. Aim for the Arteries
Vendela's death from American Horror Story: Hotel. Bleeding him dry is a great way to end him.
Spoiler if you haven’t watched Halloween Ends by now by the way.
I’ll be the first to admit that this one is boring. However, it’s a canon way of killing him, so… here we are. In Halloween Ends, Laurie and her granddaughter, Allyson, tag-team to finally get rid of Michael. They do this by, well, slitting his throat and wrists.
Why would this work? Michael Myers will eventually bleed to death. That’s all I can give you. It’s a boring kill and doesn’t really have much to build off on. But… it gets the job done, so you can’t complain about how boring it is if it works.
3. Turn Him Into Chips
The iconic wood chipper scene from Tucker & Dale vs. Evil. Use him for mulch!
Admittedly, this is inspired by the end of Halloween Ends, or at least it partially is anyway. The car crusher is a bit ingenious. I gotta give it to them–he definitely isn’t coming back from that one. So why not the same idea but with a wood chipper instead?
Why would this work? I don’t know about you, but shoving a guy into a wood chipper sounds like a pretty damn permanent way of offing someone for good.. Mikey at that point would be a bloody mush, and unless he’s got some insane regeneration skills, it’s doubtful he’ll be coming back. Sure, being near a wood chipper may be a game of chance… and sure, it might be difficult to actually push Michael in considering he’s built like a brick wall, but if you’re lucky… It works!
4. Smash Him
Hydraulic press videos were all the rage at one point (pictured), why not apply that idea to Michael?
You know those hydraulic press videos where they just smash whatever they want? Yeah, take that concept and just use it against Mikey.
Why would this work? Turning Michael into what I can only imagine would resemble pie filling is a surefire way to make sure the guy is dead. Again, same concept with the wood chipper: he isn’t coming back from this one. There’s no way, not unless he has some secret magic skills.
And yeah, okay, it’s probably hard to find a hydraulic press just laying around to kill Michael with. But hey, it’s all hypothetical, right?
5. Rip His Heart Out
Kano's iconic heart-ripping fatality from Mortal Kombat. In case you needed an example of what it looked like.
These are only going to get more out there as we go, just want to go ahead and warn you on that one. Taking some inspiration from Mortal Kombat, if you rip the man’s heart out, he’s probably not going to be standing very long.
Why would this work? Basic biology tells us that the heart (and the brain) is what keeps us alive. Our heart pumps blood through our veins and blood is pretty damn important. No heart means no blood pumping, so our boy won’t be able to haunt us after we rip his heart out. Of course, that’s if you’re superhuman in strength to do so - perhaps this is a kill best left for Kano.
6. Headshot
Shoot Michael in the head for a guaranteed victory!
Remember in the original Halloween when Dr. Loomis shot Michael over six times? Do you also remember that Michael ended up living by the end of that movie and thus setting off the events of the sequel? Well, Loomis also never aimed at the head. Now, in his defense, any normal human would’ve more than likely died from six shots to the torso, so we can’t exactly be too hard on the poor doctor.
Why would this work? If you take out the brain you take everything out. No brain means no heart pumping and no heart pumping means… Well, I bet you can figure out the rest from here. Michael isn’t bulletproof, someone just needs good aim. Maybe even call a sniper?
7. Hammers and Mallets
The terrifying mallet scene from Misery. Perhaps we could take inspiration from Annie Wilkes here?
Just like the headshot theory, you would aim for the head. Get a heavy hammer or mallet and smash his face in.
Why would this work? Again, aiming for the brain is a great way to get rid of the Shape. This method does rely on being able to get close enough to the killer, of course. If someone is able to get that close to him and fight back, then finding a heavy blunt object and beating his head in until there’s nothing left is probably their best bet of survival.
8. Acid
A great example of an acid death from the Seed of Chucky film.
Another weird one, but what can I say? Acid is a pretty great tool if you want to kill someone.
Why would this work? Acid is a dangerous substance, you know. If, for some reason, someone had the ability to get acid near Michael, it’s probably a sure bet of his demise. Melting him in an acid vat seems perfect, although unlikely. It would probably (most likely) work though!
9. Steam Roller
Maximum Overdrive, anyone?
This one is maybe a little more plausible depending on where you end up. A steam roller is a great weapon of choice if you somehow get the chance to drive in it.
Why would this work? It’s huge, heavy, and basically a killing machine. Run him over and Michael is no more. The only thing that would be left of him would be on the pavement.
10. Nuke Him
A little bit of an overreaction.
Alas, when all else fails, call in the nukes.
Why would this work? This works for the same reason it works for everybody: it would literally disintegrate him. This is, obviously, the last resort. Plus, there would be a lot more casualties with this method. And, okay, it’s not exactly that realistic.
But let’s not forget we’re talking about a man in a ghastly William Shatner mask that kills only on Halloween, yeah? Imaginations for how to kill him can run wild.
